The Exsilium

When the world grows silent, the scream of expectation rises within me.

In the hush, the enemy’s voice slithers close, hissing that I am not enough, not whole, not worthy of love. My chest tightens beneath the weight of those words. My breath falters, and my eyes fill until sight itself blurs. Then, without meaning to, I drift away.

I find myself in a barren place.

The ground is cold and colorless, the trees stripped bare, their branches reaching like bones toward a sun that never shines. The air tastes of sorrow. Nothing grows there not because the earth is resting, but because it has forgotten how to hope.

The wind alone moves, restless and cruel, whispering lies until their echoes begin to sound like truth.

And there I wander hopeless, not searching for escape, but trying to make sense of it all.

I circle the same murky pond of deceit, tracing the footprints of lies that were laid long before me. They are not mine, yet I follow them still, chasing shadows in search of truth. But there is no truth there only ghosts that linger and whisper, their voices soft and cruel.

They haunt me with hollow eyes, with mouths forever open in soundless cries. They beg me to surrender, to become as empty as they are. Their sorrow wraps around me like fog, their anguish endless, echoing through that lifeless place a pain without end, a silence that feels eternal.

With every passing moment, I feel myself slipping away.

The warmth leaves my skin; my heart slows, heavy blood dragging through my veins. I wither as the ghosts wail and moan around me beckoning, deceiving, calling me to share in their endless sorrow. Deep within, in whatever remains of my heart, I know I should turn and run toward the light. Yet curiosity binds me. I want to uncover the lies, to prove them false, to show these lost souls that I am not one of them. I want to pull them toward the living, to remind them that this place is wrong a hollow void, steeped in darkness, forgotten by God, haunted by what should never have been.

But the more I chase, the more I strive to save, the more I become like them.